an idiot’s update: no tomorrow?

Boring and uncomfortable days spent in front of the TV, then boring and uncomfortable later evenings sitting at the computer while waiting for video files to download or burn to disc… That’s pretty much all it has been lately. So I thought.. why bore you with an even more boring than usual version of my boring life?

My legs have been looking worse and worse or years now, actually. Maybe a couple times they would leak a little.. but then that would be it. I tried water pills, but they didn’t really work. And that time a few years back where I slipped on some ice and hit my knee pretty hard.. Thanks to some friendly neighbors, I made it back inside my home. There was no blood really, just a lot of pain. The next day, I managed to crawl (literally) into an ambulance and head to the hospital. Once they saw what bad shape my legs were in, they only took a few x-rays, filled out a pain prescription and booted me back out within hours. Even now, that knee still makes an odd clicking or rubbery sound whenever I bend it.

And then one fateful morning, I awoke to my leg hurting quite bad. the pain would eventually go away, but the leg would never be the same again. It began leaking and wouldn’t stop. This of course caused problems with both my clothes and the carpet. My dad complained, put down newspaper and began spraying the hell out of the house. A little while later, the other leg began leaking as well, of course making the situation even worse. But for some reason, I refused to go to the hospital. I really don’t know why. It could have to do with my schedule of DVD purchases or fear of it being something more serious than I think. I soon made up what may be an “excuse” by telling myself that my dad doesn’t care enough about me. After all, he appeared way more worried about the odor and stains in the carpet than my health.

I don’t know how my current predicament came on, but it did. The bottoms of my feet appeared to become raw or something. Every step I took now caused me pain (or rather, every time I lifted my feet). This led to sitting in front of the TV all day long for this past week or so, even during the boring crap my dad watches. He knew about this new problem, but for some reason I still wanted to hide it from him. I’d wait until he went to bed or dialysis before getting up and struggling into my room to download new TV episodes for my PS3. One day, I think I sat there for 15 hours. The computer chair was a lot more uncomfortable to sit in than my usual living room spot, so I cut back on internet time a lot. The clear leaking liquid would go onto the floor and harden, but when wettened by new leakage it would become sticky. It also appeared to conduct heat. So annoying.

My dad’s finally starting to inquire about why I don’t just go to the hospital. He rarely shows real concern with his comments though. More curiosity, methinks. He.. actually hasn’t.. seen the legs since that day I visited the hospital and he doesn’t seem to remember that day now. He fetches me some things and I do as well during my bi-daily visits to my room. I’ve ordered Tuesday’s DVDs from Amazon, but they won’t be here until next Tuesday. Ugh.

But I guess that’s about it. An idiot in bad shape has gotten in even worse shape. At least I am still alive… for now…

See ya..?


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