Archive for April, 2002

connected to cable

April 21, 2002

I finally rid of my slow dial-up connection and now have a cable connection. Nothing really seems different like I thought it would… except the phone line’s free… and it’s an “always on” connection… and the downloads are faster… k.

So now I’ll be on AIM virtually 24/7 and in my (empty) chat room. Yay.

My Adventure at Target

April 17, 2002

Yesterday, I went to Target to pick up the new Sheryl Crow CD (which is just awesome btw), and I picked up a few other things while I was there too. Once I got to the checkout, I was sweating like crazy (it’s just this problem I have because I get no exercise). As I was checking out, I was laughing inside once I noticed the security guard waiting for me at the door. They thought I had shoplifted something, most likely (I had given up that hobby long ago). As I left, I walked right past him still laughing inside.

k, bye…

Nine Days – End Up Alone

April 14, 2002

When I first heard this song, I cried because of how much I identified with it. It’s become one of my theme songs, in a way.

Nine Days – End Up Alone

What I see is what’s to be
Cartwheels to eternity
‘Round and ‘Round my head she goes
In the good dreams though she wears no clothes
Took our picture by the sea
The ocean waits to carry me
Carry me back home again
To where she sleeps I lay my head
Saw her running barefoot but the ground there never touched her feet
Watched her in the shadows while the tide came in and claimed our beach
We could’ve made it in the dunes we had it all within our reach
But I’ve got a lot of life to learn and you’ve got a lot of life to teach
Why do we all end up alone?
Why do we always have to find out way back home
Why do we all end up alone?
We gather no moss just like Rolling Stone
What I say is what I mean
No definition in between
Couldn’t make it in the movie scene
You couldn’t stay on on you couldn’t stay clean
What you wear is who you are
The odds are in and you’ll go far
A penny for your thoughts you’ll see
A nickel buys you what you need
Saw you on the big show saw you swinging from the big trapeze
Standing on my tip toes while you brushed the dirt from off your knees
Should have come as no surprise no one else here did have your drive
You’ve got a big white stretch parked right outside but nobody there to share your ride
Why do we all end up alone
Why do we always have to find out way back home?
Why do we all end up alone
Why do we all end up dead drunk or stone?
What I know is what I hear
The ringing in my ears is clear
A monkey’s got it made you see
Swinging from the vine of a coconut tree
Why do we all end up alone
Why do we always have to find out way back home
Why do we all end up alone
We gather no moss just like Rolling Stone
Why do we all end up alone
Why do we always have to find out way back home
Why do we all end up alone
Why do we all end up dead drunk or stone?
Dead drunk or stone
Just like Rolling Stone

the boring weekend

April 14, 2002

I looked forward to the weekend all week and all I got so far is sitting here in front of the damn computer. I see the weekend as a time to actually go out and do something since dad’s off work on weekends (and because I still can’t drive). But what happens? He goes out to his fu**ing friends for hours at a time, not even bothering to tell me where he’s going… And I’m stuck here in front of this computer because there is nothing better to do. It happened yesterday and it’s starting already today. I get too much of this during the week, dangit. I want to go out and do SOMETHING. But, no… I’m stuck here… I wish I had friends sometimes. They’d really work out here…

human contact lost

April 11, 2002

I have no friends. I have no girlfriend. I have no life. And maybe the last is by choice…

It seems my dad just doesn’t care about me anymore. We used to do things together all the time. But since he’s found friends a few years back, I barely ever see him anymore.

Weekdays: I wake, Dad leaves for work, I watch PRTF, attempt to chat, watch more TV, check mail, more chat, Dad comes home, i get offline, he makes dinner, he goes out to his friends, I stay inside alone… sometimes getting back online…

I just don’t feel he cares. And I can’t be friends with his friends because they all think I am super-retarded for some damn reason.

My father is my only constant human contact (in real life) and he’s been pulling away, making me even more depressed than ever.

I don’t want to grow up. I don’t want responsibility. I’d rather die.

boredom

April 11, 2002

Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. SOOOOO BORED…

…and tired…

*yawn*

*falls asleep*

My Life is Hell

April 4, 2002

So, on Sunday, I tried to fix a problem with my computer by myself but only made things worse. I took my PC to a repair shop and got it back after 24 hours. They fixed the two problems I had and billed me $93. Ugh.

So now I get it back, and now it’s freezing momentarily for every single thing I do. Download e-mail. Program freezes. E-mail goes from “Unread” to “Read”. Computer freezes for a second. Delete an E-mail. Computer freezes for a second. Play a .mid file in mIRC. Freeze. Reboot. Ugh!

It didn’t f*** up this bad before the repair shop got a hold of it. I can’t afford to get a better working PC. Too damn poor.

*sigh* I’m gone…