Archive for September, 2001

Wast–err, Spending money…

September 28, 2001

I get a monthly check from the government due to this “shyness” i have…atleast, that’s what i’ve been thinking. Usually, I immediately ..spend it on DVDs, CDs, etc etc.. So I can forget what a terrible life i lead. I lose myself in the stories. Everyday, I watch tv, get online and chat with my only friends (who are all online) all night long. It’s about 5AM now here, so i’ll be getting ready for bed in a minute. I set my alarm for 12:50PM weekdays, 5:50am sat & 7:50am sun… Of course I go to sleep earlier for weekends…

*reads previous paragraph* ..Hmm, all useless info…ah well. heh.

I can’t think of anything else to type ’bout now, so G’night…


*slowly losing my sanity*

September 27, 2001

My dad was my only constant human contact until he practically abandoned me too, just like everyone else.

I had friends, i had family… but it all crumbled away. My mother passed away when I was only 5. My sister, Cyndi, moved up north with her kids and I haven’t heard from them since last Christmas, when they had sent a birthday to *me*, but not my dad. My brother, Raymond, was in the military and left for California years ago and we haven’t heard from him since. My grandparents passed away as well. I look back to those scraps of memories that are left of them, and know that they were great.

I used to have a few friends when I went to school. I dropped out, telling myself I couldn’t take the pressure… But I think now it was really because I wanted to be online all the time instead. It was a mistake I will always regret.

My dad was always there for me. But now all he does is hang out with his neighborhood friends outside most of time.

All of this now leaves me alone in this apartment, saying goodbye to last bits of my sanity i have left. I keep thinking suicide, but i know i’m too much of a wuss to do it…right now, anyway. Goodbye, wonderful life i once had… Hello, living hell…

Poem: “I Love Her”

September 26, 2001

I Love Her (c)


I said I Love You,
You just stood there,
Not saying a word,
With every second that passes,
The pain inside deepens,
I Love Her, but does she even like me?
I wait as minutes pass,
And the silence is deafening,
You just stood there, not knowing what to say,
I, not knowing what to say either,
But I stare into those beautiful eyes,
And know I could stand there staring for an eternity,
Her silky hair, her shiny lips, her caring personality,
She is still silent, but I am no longer hurting,
I await words from those wonderful lips,
And I am happy just standing here before her,
She doesn’t know how beautiful she really is,
Both from the outside and the inside,
I love this girl,
And I just wish that she could love me back.

Poem: “Undesirable”

September 26, 2001

This is my latest poem:


Undesirable (c)

You stare as if I am some freak,
You want to get away from me,
You find me undesirable,
Just like everyone else,
Why am I so hideous?
Is it the clothes I wear?
Is it the face at which you stare?
Is it the insanity that you can’t bear?
Or is it all of the above?
I am undesirable to one and all,
I am sad and alone in this fucked-up world,
I am going insane due to this endless hell,
And still no one notices or cares,
All this because I am undesirable…

Poem: “Useless” (about uselessness)

September 26, 2001

This is also one on my favorites…


Useless (c)

My life is useless,
Now that you’ve gone astray,
I miss you, my love,
More than anything else,
I made one mistake,
And you left me there,
Guilt eats at my conscience,
I am feeling the worst feeling deep inside,
I don’t know how long I’ll last,
You ripped my heart out,
And I can no longer live,
I take a blade in hand,
And drive it through my flesh,
I am dieing,
But going to a better place,
Useless blood seeps from the wound,
Like syrup from a wounded maple tree,
Goodbye, my love,

Poem: “Experiments” (about alien abduction)

September 26, 2001

This was the first poem i ever wrote and in my opinion, it’s one of my best…

Experiments (c)

When you are taken by a bright light,
In the middle of the night,
They take you from your bed, your car,
And into their vehicle,
As you lay on the table naked, you struggle,
Agianst what binds you to the cold metal table,
The beings say “Don’t struggle” and “We won’t hurt you”,
They perform their wicked tests,
They show you images of what is to come,
You want to scream,
But you cannot,
They then return you to your bed, your car,
You shall not remember what has occurred,
Until a long time thereafter,
The experiments continue,
All through your life,
Terribly frightening experiments.

no friends = endless borededness…

September 26, 2001

I’m sooooo bored…

That I don’t know what I should type here…

hmmmmmmm… *thinks*

oh… i know…


see yas! 😉

Watch Roswell season 3! (plug for Roswell)

September 25, 2001

Don’t watch some show opposite Roswell Tuesday nights at 9pm ET which is pretty much an exact copy… *cough*Smallville*cough*

Roswell is SO much better! Check it out!

Roswell News etc:

UPN Official site:

Roswell Season 3 promotional pictures:

Roswell season 3 promos:

Roswell season 3 Ad/Poster:

Don’t miss it!

[ [ Enter Lame Entry Title Here ] ]

September 25, 2001

Maybe I should go to sleep earlier this morning… I keep falling asleep during my favorite shows 😦 I watch Passions and Dragonball Z every weekday.

Since I have no life whatsoever, i tape some of my favorite shows including Roswell (every ep, have season 1&2), Power Rangers (every ep, got over 150), X-Files (mostly mythology eps; I might stop since Mulder’s gone…), Edgemont (which stopped airing on Fox Family a few months ago but i’ve heard it will begin re-airing later in 2001)…

*sarcasm* Wow. I’m sure those paragraphs were exciting to read. *sarcasm*

Anyway, if you’re wondering about the “alien hunter” part, It’s my nickname in’s #dominion chat. I also used to research UFOs etc but lately i’ve been losing interest. I did update 2 of my sites yesterday.

Prometheus Realm

+ I updated the Roswell Novels Guide with info on the 3rd Roswell novel, “Little Green Men” and updated the Power Rangers episode list.

Project Prometheus -or-

+ Updated e-mail info and message board link.

*sigh* I bet that was such fun to read too… well, see ya…

The Truth-Seekers (plug for SciFi story series)

September 24, 2001

The Truth-Seekers story series by A£¡en Hµn†e®¤¤ ³°°°™

The Truth-Seekers struggle to reveal the truth being held behind a huge government cover-up that may just prove the existence of intelligent life on planets beside Earth…

Please leave feedback here! Should I publish more of the older stories (which, in my opinion, aren’t as good as the more current ones) or the newer stories in the series? Thanks… 🙂